Quote Purge

 These Quotes were purged from another list...

"She doesn't look dangerous, but she is! She's like cyanide candy! -
Katie Davis (re: LMG rip)

"My mouths' faster than light!" - Sherry

"More exciting than God and fertilizer." Kathryn (re: some payton sapp column)

"That would have been awful for you to have died." - Monaray
"I know, I already laid out the obits." - Katie

"There ain't nothing worse than a bruise on the butt." - Sherry

"Hey Miss Monkey, how are you doing?" - Linda
"I'm over here!" - Monaray

"Even though I do not know what you look like, I dream of you subscription manager" - Jennie Thomas

"You set it on fire right?" - Dudly Arnold (re: the dog poo epidemic"

"I ain't gonna play with no paintball machine." - Monaray Powers

"Why we gotta welcome this baby back into the world again?" - Monaray Powers

"I'll go Greenville on his ass. No! We'll get Robbie. I'll go Greenville on his ass and then I"ll go 'Hey! Charlotte wants a piece!'" - Patrick

"You ain't stupid. I'm just pretentious." - Sam Scott

"I'm leaving in 30 minutes. I've got drinking to do." - Katie Davis

"I covered the apocalypse and did it in 750 words!" - Patrick re: a 3,000 word epic

"Ewww there's cooties on my keyboard!" - Sherry

"Hey Brooke! What was that stuff you made that time that was good?" - Becky

"If only you used your powers for good instead of stupidity." - Robbie Schwartz

"Patrick mooned me! Call 911. I've been traumatized!" - Sherry

"Shining a turd doesn't make it gold!" - Brooke

"I get all emotional over a dollar. Can't help it. Gotta have my dad-blasted dollar. I'm mad now!"  - Sherry (complaining about a $9 account.)

"Brooke, don't show me your nudity butt!" - Sherry

"Do you think that would offend our readers if we had a mother with purple hair?" - Ramsey

"I don't eat opossum. If I was drunk , I might eat opossum, but I don't eat no opossum." - George

"She must live in a sorority house with a bunch of women who eat only candy canes and dream about unicorns. Her mind was emptier than my bladder." - Angie

"You can't abort syphilis." - Brooke

"If I gotta go back and look in that box there better be a dick in it." - Brynn

"I'm warnin' you. Your coffee went straight through me." - Monaray

"I have one rule, and that's you don't talk about my vagina." - Ramsey

"I make a lovely toad." - Artrose
(this was followed by... "I make a lovely turkeyburger."

"If you pet my inflatable pet you get a free puppy. I think that's a great promo." - Russel

"She's kinda been mounted." - Sherry (re: a lady with a boob job)

"You'll be done froze your boobs off." - Monaray (re: Tara riding a scooter in the winter.)

"When's Cinco de Mayo?" - Becky

"I feel so weird calling the press and asking for Dick." - Becky

"I'm sorry I couldn't get my head there." - Angie

"Guys I'm going to solve this problem and just put it in my mouth... it's a little dry though." - Russel

"I play tap the ones I love." - Russel

"If you do unmanly things we're going to make you grab your crotch five times... it's your hail mary." - Kathryn and Angie to Russel

"I sweat like it's my job" - Intern

"G needs to go away, there's no filter between his brain and his mouth." - Summer

"If your going to attack someone, keep your zipper zipped." - Angie to Russel

"Did you just see those BOYS in here? There's not much to show them around this place. Ya'll should distract them with the gum ball machine, because BOYS are STUPID, and they'll be distracted by the bright colors." - Summer (age: 10 re: boys scouts touring the office)

"We don't have tatahs in this office. We have melons. Honeydew melons." - Artrose

"Line 2 wants to know what they have to do to get an ad in the paper about a divorce." - Artrose
"I ain't no lawyer" - Monkey-ray

"If you want to get laid, crawl up a chicken's ass and wait awhile." - Russel

"I don't really have a beard as much as I have really long sideburns." - Russel
"What made you want to grow a beard?" - Monkey
"Hmmm... sexual attraction?" - Russel